


The Toss

by Dhobi ki Kutti (dhobikikutti)



Category: The Colbert Report, The Daily Show
Genre: Ficathon, Gen, Jewish Character, days of awesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-10
Updated: 2008-10-10
Packaged: 2017-10-03 09:19:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dhobikikutti/pseuds/Dhobi%20ki%20Kutti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now we check in with our good (non-Jewish) friend "Stephen Colbert"...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Toss

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2008 Days of Awesome ficathon.   
> Warning: Stephen (the character) is offensive to and about many things, including Judaism and Jews.

[Sound of applause]

Jon: Before we go, we're going to check in with our good friend Stephen Colbert, of the Colbert Report! Stephen!

[Stephen glares at him]

Stephen:  (sulkily) Jon.

Jon: Stephen! My friend! What's... are you, what's wrong?

Stephen: I figured out where all the money went. (Ominously pauses.)

Jon: (Bemused) What money?

Stephen: The money, Jon! The money that our economy has lost! Don't you pay attention to the news? Or do you fake that too?

[Jon smiles, puzzled]

Jon: Stephen, I don't think the markets quite work...

Stephen: Of course you'd say that, Jon, you're in on it.

[Jon blinks.]

Stephen: The Jews have it! Because unlike other minorities who, as Ann Coulter points out, were busy getting affirmatively auctioned into mortgages they couldn't pay for, Jews were running Hollywood! Look at Spielberg!

[Jon looks taken aback.]

Stephen: Now I know why you fired me from your show. You wanted to keep all the money and the Emmies for yourself. It's the Hollywood Jew mafia.

Jon: Stephen, we're in New York.

Stephen: Where everyone eats bagels. Bagels, Jon.

Jon: Alright everyone, Stephen Colber...

Stephen: (overlapping Jon) We should rename them Freedom Wheels. Then no one will eat them!  
   
[Jon covers his mouth as he giggles.]

Jon: Thank you Stephen! Here it is, folks, your Moment of Zen.


End file.
